Distrustfulness

Torment...

That is what I go thru with all of my mixed emotions.
Yet why? Over something so pathetic as trust?

No...it is not pathetic.

It was ruined, thrown away, taken advantage of...
So how am I supposed to now fix it?  Such an impossible task...or so it seems...

Am I the wrong one for not trusting?  Yet they lie to my face over ridiculous things?
All that proves is that they do not deserve me or my trust...
I have so much to offer and I am tormented by this.

I have done nothing to deserve treatment such as this...or have I??

Is this life's way of reminding me of all my errors?

No...it cannot be that way...life is a lessoned to be learned...
Not some punishment for wrong deeds done.

Life is to be celebrated and enjoyed...
Not to live in torment this way...

My Wish for You

Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart...


Hugs when spirits are down, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being...


Faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth...


LOVE to complete your life...

Innocence

What I would give to go back to those times that I took for granted.
Where there were no worries in the world and life was all about fun & games.

Ah, the innocence...
Life was happy, and the only heartbreaks or disappointments were not being able to get this years "new gadgets."

No one prepared me for all that I would encounter in my life....
All of the heartbreaks, restless nights, money problems, health issues, and hardships...
I wish I was given the foundation...the building blocks to be able to "deal"...
To be taught the "rights & wrongs" of life...

But who is to blame...no one...

What has to be done is to learn from all of that and REBUILD.
Not to look back and say "what if" and point fingers...
I am no longer a child and must use the building blocks I have learned along my path.

I will succeed and achieve my dreams...

I will because I believe...

Trust Thyself

I let it all get to me...
I let what they all think of me get the best of me...
All of the lies & drama...

I cannot let them win...
I will surpass all of these tribulations.  I will be healthy and clear my name as well...

If I continue to think positively, I will achieve my dreams; regardless of what anyone thinks or feels about me...
I will surpass my illness and get better...I have to...for my family and better yet for myself...

Life is what we make of it.
Destiny does not exist; we are the directors and producers of our movie...our LIVES...
No one else has power over the things that we do and the direction we take...family, disease, work, love, relationships...
We can control it all...if we just BELIEVE in ourselves and have FAITH...

BELIEVE...TRUST YOURSELF...

Courage

It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex.  Toughness is in the mind and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.                                                                            ~Alex Karras

The Blind Leading the Blind

The moment that I have dreaded the most was supposed to happen today.  Yet "fate" intervened and the plan detoured onto a new direction.

Was it fate?
Or is it more believable that my insides were not strong enough to handle what would have happened today....

I could not sleep all night, thinking of what would come of today.  And now I lay here with the same problem...

Was it fate?
Or did I back out because I did not believe in myself?
Took the "easy way out" as people would say...

I believe in my cause.  I believe that I am innocent and being falsely accused...
Why do THEY not see this?
Are they so blinded by their "job description" or on the defense?
They no nothing of me...only what people say of me...

I am innocent and have done nothing wrong...
I will NOT give in.  I will find my inner strength to fight you.

YOU will not have me, my soul, my life.
I AM who I say I AM...
Not a fake...like you & all of your followers...

Your Soul...

Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.                                                                ~Eliza Tabor

Success

The man who makes a success of an important venture never wails for the crowd. He strikes out for himself. It takes nerve, it takes a great lot of grit; but the man that succeeds has both. Anyone can fail. The public admires the man who has enough confidence in himself to take a chance. These chances are the main things after all. The man who tries to succeed must expect to be criticized. Nothing important was ever done but the greater number consulted previously doubted the possibility. Success is the accomplishment of that which most people think can't be done.    -C.V. White 

Act Your Dreams

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble thru as well as we can.                                                                                                             -Robert Cushing 

Believe & You Will Achieve

Hidden Treasures

Life passes us by in a flash and we are so caught up with all the things that don't matter...
Shoes, bags, weight, sex and who has the nice house...

And then we open our eyes and our lives have disappeared...

Stop and enjoy what really matters in life...
Family, friends and loved one...
Take adventures, do something daring, be spontaneous...every minute counts & is valuable...

Because when we are old and dying, those will be the memories that keep us alive and happy...
The mental photographs & notes is what we need to look onto to give us motivation everyday...

Find them, treasure them and share the love...

That is what matters in life...not the materialistic...

D-Day

D-Day in history was the day of all days....the day when Allied troops invaded the Nazi's in Normandy, France.

It is the day where all bets were off, and it became anyone's game...

Today is D-Day in my life...all bets are off...

The ultimate challenge in my life has arisen...will I be able to fight back?

The will to continue on this battle is drawing to an end...somewhere I need to find the strength to fight on...

Every time I look into the mirror, I'm going to have to say louder, "LIFE IS GOOD...WE ARE GOING TO BE OK."

As I had recently said, is it hypocritical of me to look onto a higher being than myself & question?

Because someone else out there has to have the answer.

Time to Relax...

I Came, I Saw, I Conquered...

There is no need to settle in this life.  One can accomplish the greatest of things, if you just put your mind to it.

You always have to think & say to yourself...I can do this! The world is mine!
You'll be astonished at all the things you can achieve in this life...

From long to short term goals.....everyone should have them...
Because just by doing that...you will achieve TRUE happiness.

As I always say....
Look within & don't turn a blind eye to life...

If you do life will just pass you by...

Listen to Your Heart

The Beauty in Life

When times get rough, the easier route to take is to sink even deeper...
Lay around in bed all day, wallow in your sorrows, think of everything that is wrong in your life...

It was hard for me...dealing with many different personal aspects of my life. It felt as if I was drowning and there was no lifegaurd. As if I fell into a deep hole...and the more I yelled and screamed for help...the deeper I fell...

Things will never be perfect in life...
But we need to make the best out of what we have in front of us.  If we just look beyond all of the hardships, you will see all of the beautiful things that surround you...
Family, friends...they are here to show us the beautiful in our lives

Dont give up...the beauty has just begun...

Attitude

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact I have on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important that the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than a failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.  It will make or break a company...a church...a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.  And so it is with you...we are in charge of our Attitudes.                                                                                                    -Charles R. Swindoll                                                                                                  

Speak Up

It's hard to keep your head up high when people keep pushing you down...

It makes you wonder, what are their real motives?  Are they just trying to protect themselves? Or are they hiding something?

I'm trying so hard to defend my name and my honor...but I feel that the louder I speak, the more they push me down...

For a moment today, they accomplished their motives...they had me scared & nervous about the outcome...

But then I thought to myself & looked within... repeated to myself...I have done nothing wrong & I cannot let them bring me down...

I have self-worth...I have a voice...

And my VOICE is more powerful than anything they will throw at me...

"Would've Could've Should've"

I have woken up today feeling inspirational...as if nothing can get in my way.

Is today your day to begin living your life the way you want?
It's time to start living our lives to the fullest...one never knows what will get in the way and when...

Don't ever let it get to the point of "would've, could've, should've"...

Day One

Today is Day One on a road to recovery...

Recovery from health, family, relationships, and love...
For years I have held back from searching for the true ME. Finally I am on the correct road...finally I chose the right path...
Will you come along that path with me?

All of the hardhsips I am willing to overpass. I am looking forward to moving on, but I need you by my side.  That's all I want and have ever asked for...

Day One of recovery...

But for the both of us??

To All of My Fellow Women

The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.
Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

90 years ago this day, the 19th Amendment was added to the United States Constituion.  It gave women the right to vote.

Women have always had a voice...yet no one listened...

Now we are able to hold our heads up high with pride, with not one person telling us to put it down...

Get up..stand up for your rights...
We live in an era that we do not have to bow down to no one...
We all have voices, big and small
Let the world hear our VOICES

Moment of Silence

Devastating floods have ruined and destroyed peoples lives in Pakistan.

Yet we all complain of events that are overwhelming to us...

Stop for a second and think about what is overwhelming to the people of Pakistan...no food, no running water, families missing and destroyed, no homes...

Moment of silence for all the suffering families that have no help or no one in Pakistan.

quench your THIRST....

At Ease

Finally coherent of today's events.

It is hard to find yourself...to find within to cope with what is happening...
I have always relied on someone else for help. Today I had to look deep within my soul for comfort measures...

I guess this is what it means to "soul search"

I see my closest family member doing the same. Question is will he find it? Will he be able to find peace in his life? Or better yet someone to give him peace....

Everyone is searching...love, relationships, lust, friends, education...it is as if people just aren't content.

Not me. I am content that I am finally finding myself...

The TRUE self that I lost a long time ago...

Fast Lane

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans                                                                        -John Lennon

It Says It All :-)

Hypocrite

I have been a patient many of times, but this will go down as the most nerve-wracking experience. I sit here alone (not by choice) with millions of thoughts racing thru my mind...

So many questions...I hope they have the answers to them all....

Yet the one thought that bothers me the most?

Would it be hypocritical of me to
leave my fate in the hands of God?
When weeks before...God was never
on my mind??

Meditate

Luckily I have kept myself preoccupied...

Thanks to these photographers, I am able to find some peace of mind while my thoughts lose control...

Restless Night...

Maybe it's nerves or whatever one wants to call it...

Sleep is the last thing on my mind.

What lies ahead of me? All of these unanswered questions....who has the answer?

Life at its Fullest

"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant.  You just can't accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself.  You've got to keep on watering it.  You've got to really look after it and nurture it." -John Lennon

espérons que la foi et l'amour

Tomorrow will be groundbreaking, nerve-wracking, and emotional...too much for one person to handle.

The outcome of tomorrow will change everything...

I leave it up to the great hands of my fellow colleagues...in them I trust...

The Domino Effect

'Karma' is an Indian religious concept which view all human dramas as the will of God as opposed to present—and past—life actions. Humans have free will to choose good or evil and suffer the consequences, which require the will of God to implement karma's consequences.  The karmic effects of all deeds are viewed as actively shaping past, present, and future experiences.

Peace & Tranquility

To my EXTRAordinary confident people...

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent. Never give it"
 - Eleanor Roosevelt

"With confidence, you can reach truly amazing heights: without confidence, even the simplest accomplishments are beyond your grasp." - Unknown Author

Walk tall with your head up high...

Tic-Toc

As the days get closer, people keep asking me if I'm nervous. I just shrug my shoulders "EH"

If they only knew all the thoughts that are racing thru my mind...all of that "what ifs"...

It's funny tho...times like this is when people look for a higher being...
Whether it be Allah, Yahweh, Christ, or Brahman.

Not me tho...or at least the majority of the time not me...
Maybe I have been brainwashed by science and medicine. We were taught in school that the lives of our patients were in OUR hands...not by some unknown "force."
But then you witness events, such as the miracle of life...makes you wonder, doesn't it?

The only thoughts that I'm left with...
     Do I leave my life in the hands of strangers? Or in the hands of a God?

Rocky Part IV

After an argument, who is wrong and who is right? Are both parties to blame? This seems to me like a vicious cycle that does not end. Someone told me the other day, that it is human nature...
Please someone explain to me how is arguing with your partner human nature?
It's not human nature, its called being opinionated. Everyone wants that person to be the perfect one...their precise molding of a perfect being. But how is that any fun?
Without all of those imperfections, I wouldn't LOVE who that person is...because LOVE is about all of the imperfections...
The wrinkles, the hairiness, the snoring, the tugging, the annoying ticks....that is LOVE

We are both to blame, but at least we can both sit on our opposite sides of the ring and from far say I LOVE YOU....

more LOVE

I give in...I LOVE you...teach me what LOVE is....

Will you give up the demons, to let light into your life?

funny little thing called LOVE

For the past two hours, I just sat here and looked at him why he contemplated exposing himself to the world.
We come from a family where LOVE did not exist; a family where LOVE was something that was not supposed to be shown; LOVE was not the way to show someone your feelings....
LOVE was repressed in us and tries to break free from within us everyday, yet we don't know how to release it....

We have both come to a point in our lives where people have shown us what LOVE is....
But the better thing to think about??? What do we do with it now??
Embrace it? Shun it? Learn LOVE?
After years of repression, how does LOVE still live within?

So many questions, with no answers. If only it was that easy to break free from the demons that have been following us generation after generation...

I will tell you that I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel.  Every time I look into their eyes, M&G, I see and feel LOVE. The giddiness, the palpitations, the "butterflies".......how I wish this is how it will always be....like those moments when I look at them and see LOVE.

But then there are the days, where you look back at everything you know....when you say to yourself that this is all I know.  I am not the wrong one, LOVE is...

All these thoughts run thru our minds, as we have someone that is willing and able to show us real LOVE....

Fight, fight, FIGHT!

They keep shaking their finger at me, "No, no, no!" 

How far will an institution go? 

They claim that they are the best in the world yet they border on defamation of character...

They claim they have the best people & customer service in their institution, yet they accuse an innocent...

When did this world become "guilty until proven innocent" or am I just that naive...

With all of my might I will fight, fight, FIGHT until the end!

The American Society....

Isn't this the country where you can be all you can be? Make your dreams come true?? People from around the world migrate to the wonderful United States of America in pursuit of happiness...

Yet here I am in a country where my health is in jeopardy and the American society response is "Oh well...I'm sorry."

So many other people are in my shoes and I sit here and wonder..."How do they do it??"

As people from around the world are willing to do whatever it takes to come into the country of freedom and where your dreams can become a reality...I contemplate on leaving the "American Society" in pursuit of happiness elsewhere...

Rules of Life

"Each person must live their life as a model for others." - Rosa Parks


"These days man knows the price of everything, but the value of nothing." - Oscar Wilde


"Others are only mirrors of you." - Cheri Carter-Scott